When I moved to Richmond last month to start my work with YWAM, I found myself right back in ‘new kid’ mode. I didn’t expect it because I had spent 5 months here last year during my DTS. But the six people I’d been closest to, my classmates, were not here. My role had changed—from student to staff member—which meant a new schedule, new responsibilities and new quarters (The Inn, our dining hall and my former abode, pictured left) . I had expected to pick up where I’d left off 6 months earlier and instead found myself as adrift as I’d ever been after one of our moves growing up. Don’t get me wrong-everyone was kind and welcoming and helpful. I spent most of my first day hugging people and hearing words of welcome. But in the end, I was still the ‘new kid.’ Unfamiliar, uncomfortable, awkward. I cried, I journaled, I prayed, and this song (‘Home’ from the Broadway version of Disney’s Beauty and the Beast’) began to play in my head: "Is this home? Is this where I must learn to be happy?/ Never knew that a home could be dark and cold/ I was told, every day of my childhood, even when we grow old/ Home should be where the heart is-never a word so true/ My heart’s far, far away-home is, too/ What I’d give to return to the life that I knew lately/ But I know that I can’t solve my problems going back”
And also, from Landon Pigg’s ‘Keep Looking Up:’
“I know you’re going somewhere new/ and I know it’s never going to feel like home to you/ but this time, the only way around is through”
It sounds strange, but God often uses the songs in my head to speak to me. I wondered, for a few days, if this was one of those times. But what was the message, then? ‘You’re not home, get over it?’ Then one morning in my quiet time I turned to Deuteronomy 33 and read verse 27: “the eternal God is your dwelling place; and underneath are the everlasting arms” and I got it-this is not home, and it never will be. God is home. And so, in a sense, wherever I go or whatever I do, I am home, because God is there. And when I 'fall' in the unfamiliarity and awkwardness-say something dumb to that person, forget this kid’s name, get lost and arrive hopelessly late for that church service, He catches me in His arms—sometimes smoothing things over, but always reminding me that, even though I’m not perfect, it’s going to be ok.
As ‘Beauty and the Beast’ progresses, Belle begins to feel at home. She learns to love the ‘people’ in the enchanted castle and, in time, even the Beast. A few days after I read that verse in Deuteronomy, God led me to take a walk around the neighborhood. As I walked, I noticed the beginnings of familiarity and love for this place and these people. I passed houses that I recognized as the homes of people I’ve met, and remembered the things we prayed over them a few days before as we took our weekly prayer walk. I walked past the ‘Hut’ (the Powhatan Community Center) where we have Character Club every Thursday night and thought of the kids I’m getting to know there. I saw two little girls in the park that I planted herbs with at the Neighborhood Resource Center earlier in the week.
I ended up at a vacant corner lot that I love because it’s got a great view of the city (pictured, right) as well as down into the projects that a lot of our kids live in. As I looked out, I found another line from ‘Home’ in my head: ‘Is this home? Am I here for a day or forever?’ And for the first time since I arrived in Richmond, I was willing to (and did) say to God ‘I will stay here as long as you want me to’ instead of ‘God, help me get through my two year commitment.’
I don’t know if He’ll take me up on it, but I know that wherever He leads me, I’ll be at home.
Praise God with Me:
+For my first EVER (as a full time staff member) support check that arrived in the mail a few weeks ago…and for the second that followed last week. I believe that if God is calling me here, He will provide my funding-so checks are good not only because they help pay my rent (which is great), but because they’re like a booster shot to my confidence in my calling.
+For giving me His heart for this place and for continually making me more comfortable
+For God’s favor and progress in my relationship with M, one of the teens I’ve been assigned to develop a one-on-one relationship with.
+For God’s blessing and leading in my mentoring relationship with one of the English Language and Culture School students-an amazing 18 year old girl from Chile.
Pray with Me:
+That God will provide the support that I need to continue serving in Richmond (all YWAM staff live entirely on support-my living and ministry expenses will come to something like $1300 a month)
+That God will continue to give me His heart for this neighborhood and especially the kids I work with (pictured right: my friend and fellow staff, Julia, and I with some girls from the neighborhood-we spent 8 hours together one Saturday, braiding Julia's hair) +That God will show us favor and give us wisdom in dealing with the kids, whose family and social backgrounds are quite different from ours
+That God will continue to open doors as I pursue a one-on-one relationship with M
